dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
