I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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