why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
