My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
