New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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