did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
