Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
