yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
