I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize