bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize