The maid of honor just puked.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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