oh god the rape fog is back!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
