Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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