She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
