I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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