i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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