also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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