I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
