so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
