just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
