You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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