I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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