I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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