yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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