She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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