I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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