you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
