sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
