does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have tasted many bathrooms
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
