I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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