Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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