I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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