she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
