True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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