for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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