Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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