we have officially lost it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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