An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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