I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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