glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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