so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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