it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
