Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
