just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
