At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
