that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
