Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
