Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
