I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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