i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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