I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
