I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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