i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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