trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just pee around me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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