I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
