i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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