Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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