I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
my poor anus
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
