your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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