grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
