Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
