Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
