I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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