No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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