do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
