East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
