her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
