id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
