i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
