I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
