rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
