i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
