If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
