my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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