You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
