Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
