This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
