In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
