BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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