it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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