She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
