Where did you get a picture of my penis
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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