Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
